Headaches that feel like bombs waiting to go off

I think that in college, it's expected to have heavy workloads. My only grievance is the hours. Getting up early is not my strong suit. I like to sleep 8-10 hours every day or else I feel like crap. It would probably help if I could sleep earlier, too. I don't like it when I get sick because I have to stay up late to do homework that is due the next day. For the last few days, I've gotten huge headaches that won't go away even with medicine. It's very disappointing when you feel sick, because you can't do anything like you used to be able to. Then, you start regretting about things you should have done earlier because it feels like you're about to do die. That about describes me from Wednesday until Friday. then today, I got my 9 hours and I feel fit as a fiddle. Funny how a great night's sleep can be so good for you, eh? that's all for now. My promised delayed pictures will be up later tonight, along with more ramblings about me and aboue Elva!

Autumn at last

Taiwan has the most interesting weather patterns I've met in all the places I have been to. Well ok Vancouver rains every day and snows, then has the most amazing sunsets during summer and fall. then it gets cold again. lol. In Taiwan, it's summer from about May until November. So there really are only like 2 seasons: 1. humid and hot 2. humid and cooler than hot oh and sometimes the occasional 3. typhoons plus random sun rain days. sun rain days are when the sun is shining at 85 degrees Farenheit and then all of a sudden a swell of water comes down right when you're lying down enjoying the perfect day. Or, if you're in a class. That's the funniest moment of high school I think. We were taking English Literture outside on the steps because we were studying poetry and wanted to have the atmosphere of being near nature or something....I can't recall exactly. Maybe it was satire. Anyhoo, right when someone mispronounces some word, everyone feels the small invading drops that fall from the sky. Someone runs out and starts dancing in the middle of the quadrangle on the way back to our classroom.Someting else happened but I can't remember because I was trying to cover what dry parts that were still left of my clothes along with my semi-drenched book and other school stuff. I guess I shouldn't have cared so much. The same thing happened during an English class I had in Rancho Santa Margarita, California. This was in middle school, 8th grade. During this sun rain, I went out of the classroom and danced in the rain with my classmates. Lmao, wow I guess you really do inhibit yourself as you get older. And isn't it ironic how both times were English casses? If it happens this year, it'll be something like a tradition that I have in every school I attend. Not a tradition...hmm it's more like sun rain luck? Hahahaha I just made that up. Ok, i have no idea what I'm talking about.

lazy: the nerd way

i really have to get on about writing if i really want to do what i said i would do previously. is that too confusing? i've been thinking about what i would write and the characters and things. i haven't written any stories or poems in a while. well a poem once in a while. not recorded, that's what i mean. i don't write it down. it just stays in my brain like an infestation of termites in the foundation of your house. haha first simile in months. i feel like such a loser these days. like i let myself down before i did anything. sometimes i have no faith in myself that i will achieve my dreams and hopes. notice how everything is in lowercase letters? that is a writing technique too! although, not very grammatically correct and probably not very acceptable in traditional english writing. but it does say a lot about the person writing. oh my god i can't believe i'm analyzing the way i write this post. i'm such a nerd.

anyways, at other times i think there's still a while before i have to actually make it all happen. but it's wrong because there might not really be 2 or 3 years to decide my future. maybe it'll all end tomorrow. maybe i really will give up and go into business, just like what my mom did. i don't like to think i'll be exactly like my mom, though. i'm not going to follow the same path because it worked for her.

i want to go back to ubc. maybe i can next year.i'm still enrolled, but not registered in classes. they even offered me residence for winter session, but it expires novemeber 2. does this count as being lost? or just really brainwrangling mad? god, there must be some sign or something. damn it, why can't it be like The Alchemist when there's a black and a white stone and when you see an omen you know exactly what your future is? paulo coehlo is a genius. i'd like to write like him someday. it's so simple, yet difficult at the same time.

am i putting myself down by being over-compulsive in asking so many questions?

i just noticed i made up a new word. brainwrangling! ha! well maybe someone else has used it as well. i'll check. :P

elva again

I think I'll just spam my own blog. I'm not really sure how, but here goes. lovelva lovelva lovelva lovelva! Hmm, I think that phrase might actually be copyrighted by her. Not sure, I'll have to look into that. I know she attended a wedding recently of one of her really good friends. She flew in from China just to get back on time. Like, she was supposed to be at this kungfu show, but she came back early from her work to attend the wedding. She;s a really good friend. Or maybe she just has lots of money and can fly around whenever she wants. Either way, that's all I know right now.

More on Elva

I am such a terrible Elva fan. I haven't posted enough about her on my blog. although, for some reason I can gossip about her all day with my brother. It is probably because I like to annoy him by talking about her incessantly. It is quite funny to see him get mad because he has such a cute face (will have a picture soon).

It doesn't seem that she is doing much lately, at least I don't hear anything new about her. I wonder how her really obsessed fans find out about events or shows she participates in beforehand. Is there like some special club or something that has a newsletter that they send all their members? Actually, I think there are fan clubs, like two of them. Hmm, I'll look into it later.

I wonder what her new book will be like. It comes out in December. Maybe I can get it as a birthday present, haha. I know her fist book was about pilates, so there probably wasn't too much about her in it. I haven't read it. I just know about it, lol. I'm not at the point where I have to know everything about her. I just watch show sometimes so I hear about things but like always too late to do anything. I feel like such a stalker sometimes. Maybe it is just my imagination, which always runs away on some crazy tangent or two. I should stop rambling, huh? YUeah, I'll have to write soemthing substantial about her later. This post got really messed up.

Female Celebrities vs. Male Celebs (Writing Topic 3)

In the media, female celebrities are exploited and sometimes exploit themselves on purpose. Commonly seen on newspapers, TV, music, movies, commercial, etc. are the 20-30 age range. These role models are involved in selling products, acting, singing, and hosting TV shows. Or, older female celebrities put makeup on to make themselves look younger; producers also use lighting techniques and digital enhancements to make stars look better as well. On the male side, lots of younger entertainers have come out recently and have always been much loved in the entertainment business, so it seems about the same. older personalities in entertainment match with older people, but some projects call for one old and one young person to be a pair. This often happens in movies mostly because it is required for the role(s) or the younger lead dropped out because of conflicting schedules.

I think if there is a gender bias in hiring certain actors or singers for certain things, it's because of that person's tealent and not neccessarily with age. Of course, age is an important factor since the target audience in most cases is much younger than adults. Mostly, products that celebrities endorse are for younger teengage audiences so using someone who is around the same age makes sense. Also, companies want to make money, so they pick younger talented people to sell tickets. I honestly don't think it's that bad, since the entertainment industry is just that. It's about entertaining people, so they might as well use good looking people. This is aside from the fact that many of the films and songs made are actually quite creative and good quality works.

A lot of how the public judges celebrities, especialy female celebs, is based on all the negative dirt and propaganda that goes around in gossip rags. Men aren't put on such a heavy stigma after doing something that's socially scorned, like taking drugs or ging out n a heavy night of partying. it's considered normal and the public forgives more easily men than women in these types of cases. Media coverage in both cases is biased because the gossips magazines also want to make moeny, just like film or music companies, so they always try to find ways to spread or expose rumors about famous people. In a way, it's kind of not fair to them but it comes with the business, so they get used to it, I guess. A lot also has to do with maager and public expectations. Once there's pressure to do certain things by the manager or fans or the reporters say something and everyone believes it, then you're bound to believe and then act accordingly. That's why some celebrities actually get caught in the act of smoking marijuana or doing crazy antic, it's because the public wants and expects it so the celebrity does it. It's psychological conditioning except no one ever sees it! We tend to see what we want to see, so we assume it's the way that celebrities really are. Obviously, it's never really possible to know unless they directly say so what he or she is going through. the old saying comes back again, you can't judge a book by it's cover until you've read the book.

What we can really judge about female and male celebrities then, is the way they dress. sure, a certain degree is also chosen by designers, managers, and peope in charge of their image. Most of the clothes for women are revealing. They want to look sexy to attract fans and look good. if you think about though, which woman under that kind of pressure from almost everyone around them doesn't want to look good? Cameras are everyhere almost 24/7, so if I was one of them I'd definitely want to hide in a bunch of cool looking clothes and make up. Plus, they're famous and rich so their life road is smooth as long as they don't do anything too stupid. If you can make 10 million USD a year and have to deal with all these kinds of pressures, wouldn't it be worth it? Lots of people only look at celebrities superficially and don't take the time to see that most celebrities work very hard to achieve the status that they have and keep on going after they reach fame and fortune because they truly love what they do. How many people can say they're satisfied with their jobs?

Writing Topic 1

Women make 85% of what men make, roughly, as one of our readings states. Statistics of women making lower than what men make as well as getting fewer promotions, less in bonuses and benefits have all contributed in what is now called the glass ceiling. Many women who want career advancement can't get it, or they're picked only as figureheads on the board of directors, for example. Why does this type of sex discrimination occur? The answer is simple: power.

Traditionally, the male breadwinner and female as homemaker roles have been passed on for generations. Women were only expected to be good wives, take care of the kids (one boy and one girl, of course, according to the American Dream), and put family over any idea to pursue a career. Men have dominated society for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Historically, men are the heroes of the country, men bring glory to the family, and men now are supposed to provide for the family. Like, Chinese history or Greek and Roman societies. All of them have famous generals or emperors; women seldom appear in the fabric of great men's lives, and if they do it is as their wives or standing behind them. Women aren't seen as the hero. Some people say it's in their blood because it has been this way for so long. Because of male patriarchy then, for it is the society that decides what people do or at least shapes it and most societies even today are male-dominated, women don't have as much experience in the public sphere. At least, that's what seems logical historically in not getting promoted as often, having a lower salary.

Actually, when women started looking for jobs most often were piece-time or part time jobs, since they were still expected to stay at home and raise the family. Isn't it true today? A double-standard of women exists. Men normally just work, but women who work also have to make sure the kids eat well, sleep early, do the dishes, the laundry, almost everything is still the same as when only men did jobs, except even more tiring. They're on double duty every day, 24-7 365.

It's not just the society that is at fault in this problem. If you look at individual women, some think it's normal that they don't get promoted or have higher earnings. Women praise men, follow them and think they're like gods in some cultures. Well, maybe not today's women, since feminism has started working it's way more and more into society. Also, some women are stigmatized by what feminism is about and what attitudes they should have about themselves. They get constantly bombarded of political correctness, equality, rights, terms that are used so loosely now by almost every faction of society. It's hard to drown out the noise and see who is really speaking and what they stand for. Not all women's rights groups are radical, and that is what women of all ages don't discern.

I think all the preaching isn't working, no matter if you're a corporate executive or a bra burning anti patriarchal feminista. If we want sexism to stop in the workplace, it has to start with the kids. If you give them a bad example, then they're going to be just like they're parents and judge people based on stereotypes that the kids have formed based on what their parents do. Behavioral learning starts early, so good parenting is really essential in creating attitudes of how to treat people. As for the people already practicing prejudiced ways of hiring, there should be a program required for top executives quarterly or every month to remind them of what women face in the workplace. If they don't see it happening or let it pass right under their noses because the managers underneath them are hiring only pretty young women or giving top salaries only to ethnic women so that they don't get sued, it's their fault and they won't even know it. No matter what, the way people think of gender equality has got to change. Traditional views of the housewife or breadwinner isn't going to fly anymore. It isn't a question of how, but when people start to see that what they're doing is wrong.

No More Dilemas

I have finally removed all the clouds and smoggy opinions from the very pressing question of what to do with my future. I don't think I should have let so many people influence what I had already decided I wanted to do when I was 14. It's really simple; all I want to do is write. I don't need to do science or business or anything else, even though those fields might be more lucrative. I want to be either a scriptwriter or and editor. Yeah, I want to do completely different things. Maybe write a couple of books, too. Mainly, though I don't want to feel like I am pressured to do what everyone else is doing. Of course, I'll still try a lot of other types of courses while I'm in university to see if I don't like anything else. I'm already to start looking up graduate programs that offer writing or creative writing. I guess that means I should start writing more than I do now. It'd very calming and satisfying to let go of your brain and create something that you didn't know you could do just by sitting and thinking about things with a paper and pencil :)

Sad About Family Tragedy

This weekend was supposed to be a good one. It ended up in a terrible tragedy that could have been prevented. My mother took my brother and I to 日月潭 (sun moon lake) on Saturday (10/18). The weather was picturesque; a calm blue sky and fluffy marshmallow clouds guided our way towards the camp site. Nothing could prepare me for what my mom told me when we were halfway there. She said that my uncle (姑丈) had died in a terrible car accident. He had been drinking and singing KTV (karaoke) with friends after work. He was very very drunk and got on his motorcycle. Then, a perfectly good human being was taken away from loved ones and friends. This man has family in China, since he is from that country. It must be terrible to lose someone close. I sat in the car shocked into silence for a long time after I heard this news. I last saw my uncle merely two months ago when my brother and I went to Kaohsiung to visit my aunt. It is very surreal to hear about people that you've seen with your own eyes perfectly fine and living. I can't believe how sudden;y this happened. I feel very deeply for my aunt because she has always been by my side throughout my life. I wish I can go comfort her soon. Maybe I will go to the funeral next weekend. I guess this is why people always say that it is important to notice your safety at all times. :(

Sigh...another week....

Often, I wonder why I put myself through college. Sometimes I feel like dropping out. It doesn't really seem like I'm doing anything important with my life right now. Everything is so vague and murky. I mean I don't know what I'm doing...

Everyone tells me that an English degree is useless and that I'll never get anywhere in life with one. Then, I say: Why the hell do they still offer it in like virtually ever college, then? They just shrug and attempt to switch topics, which ends up pissing me off even more. Why does college have to be about what you'll do in the future? Why can't it just be about learning and discovering things about yourself? 

Now, I just say I'm going to take business related classes in second semester, and people just nod politely. They say it's good I'm taking something useful in addition to English. I think it's very sad that the value of literature has depreciated so much in our modern culture (pardon the pun, if you know what I mean). It makes me depressed sometimes because I really love to study the classics and their authors. I remember in high school, to relieve stress I would either go play softball or read poetry. Maybe I "doth protest too much," but it is how I am feeling lately. 

It's confusing to find anything worthwhile to do except going to join the Peace Corps or UN and help refugees. Maybe I'll do that after I graduate from Chung Hua. I don't want to be end up trapped in a corporate world that many people are unsatisfied with but can't get out of because they need to make money. I don't just want to get a stable job and make money, that has no meaning to me.  Of course, money is important, but I think I would have to do something I love and would die if I didn't do it or else it would be a waste of time.