No real topic

What does time really mean? i really wonder why people say there's not time for relaxing, sleeping, and doing things that matter to them. Also, what about the fact that so many people don't do what they actually want to do? Doesn't this mean that we can't really pursue what we want, but are tied to the ever-tightening grasp of capitalism and economic principle? It makes me sad and sick of all the negativity and complainiing. I think that the complaining I do is somehow rubbed off from everyone around me who is alos complaining and being negative. I don;t like how it makes me feel when I become depressed and pessimistic. I feel slippery, black, and disgusting just like Venom in Spider Man. Well more like there is evil and bad thoughts oozing out of me.

Anyways, today I found out Elva posted on her blog. It has been a long time sicne she has posted on her blog. She is in China againfor some martial arts convention to perform. There are some funny ictures ofher on her blog (she jokes that her sleeping is like a martial arts move). Last week, some newpspaper said she bought red wine because she is lovesick. That is just crap, people drink wine just because they want to. Drinking doesn't always involve heavy feelings or attitudes. People drink for all kinds of reasons, including the camaraderie it creates between friends and just to wind down after a long day. We have beer, wine, and some hard liquor at my house. It doesn't mean we're drinking every day or even because we feel down. I do concede that some people do drink when they feel blue, I do too, but you can't tell from a picture that someone is buying alcohol to drown their sosrrows. If you could, then well we'd be living some other kind of life. Or you have supernatural powers! Haha, that reminds me of English Literature this morning. Our teacher was talking about the elements of the medieval romance, and of course arthurian legend is always the classic example. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, again. I feel like I've read it so many times, perhaps 3. Oh well, maybe there are some new things to be learned.

Sigh, al right, I'm going to study French and read for other classes now. See you later. Oh yeah, hope you guys like the pictures :)

lazy: the nerd way

i really have to get on about writing if i really want to do what i said i would do previously. is that too confusing? i've been thinking about what i would write and the characters and things. i haven't written any stories or poems in a while. well a poem once in a while. not recorded, that's what i mean. i don't write it down. it just stays in my brain like an infestation of termites in the foundation of your house. haha first simile in months. i feel like such a loser these days. like i let myself down before i did anything. sometimes i have no faith in myself that i will achieve my dreams and hopes. notice how everything is in lowercase letters? that is a writing technique too! although, not very grammatically correct and probably not very acceptable in traditional english writing. but it does say a lot about the person writing. oh my god i can't believe i'm analyzing the way i write this post. i'm such a nerd.

anyways, at other times i think there's still a while before i have to actually make it all happen. but it's wrong because there might not really be 2 or 3 years to decide my future. maybe it'll all end tomorrow. maybe i really will give up and go into business, just like what my mom did. i don't like to think i'll be exactly like my mom, though. i'm not going to follow the same path because it worked for her.

i want to go back to ubc. maybe i can next year.i'm still enrolled, but not registered in classes. they even offered me residence for winter session, but it expires novemeber 2. does this count as being lost? or just really brainwrangling mad? god, there must be some sign or something. damn it, why can't it be like The Alchemist when there's a black and a white stone and when you see an omen you know exactly what your future is? paulo coehlo is a genius. i'd like to write like him someday. it's so simple, yet difficult at the same time.

am i putting myself down by being over-compulsive in asking so many questions?

i just noticed i made up a new word. brainwrangling! ha! well maybe someone else has used it as well. i'll check. :P